Pre-order the revised hardcopy version of Doing Without 1: Discovery in Loss and Grief Available Fall of 2026

Beyond Recovery to Discovery

The DW process of TRAIN (Truth toward Resilience in Alienation, Isolation, and Neglect), bridges the gap between 'recovery' (of the better days that once were), to 'discovery' (of ways to fill a childhood void underlying our very thinking). The DW series provides sequential lessons to be used alone or in group work, and relies on those models of 'cause and effect' which are more aligned with the field of automated control systems, rather than psychological or medical models.

Self-taught Users

DC 1 Sequential stand-alone lessons for discernment to help

Consider child neglect as the last taboo subject in the field of mental health
Consider fatherless family system patterns as a hidden driver of current losses, problems, grief, and pain
Consider hidden neglect as a factor for substance use
Consider how different models could better explain the past, and also anticipate future relationship issues

Professional Users

DC 4 Helping enhance professional therapy sessions and:

Use DW ‘assignments’ to support in-person therapy
Learn a new factor for extreme emotions which may have silently triggered past hopelessness and self-harm
Have a ‘bite sized lesson resource’ to give to others
Consider alternatives or additions to the ‘medical model’
See generational neglect as ‘normalizing self-sabotage’
Consider ACEs factors from a missing ‘neglect mindset’

Users of the TRAIN Process

(Users of the ‘Doing Without’ Series)

A process to bridge the gap between past losses and future potential.

Pastors

DC 2 Helping Pastors, Chaplains, and religious counselors to:

Consider if the application of spiritual principles may be similar or different when in secular systems
Increase confidence and wisdom for understanding, engaging, and transitioning those with past neglect
Have an additional perspective regarding the changing cultural and mental health models and definitions
Have practical information to consider before seeking, or outsourcing, counseling to certain professionals

In-patient Users

DC 5 Offer resources for in-patient groups addressing change

For staff training or debriefing on miscommunication
For boundaries in drug treatment / sober living facilities
To foster dialogue for those in transition programs
To help the incarcerated, or youth offenders

Book Study Groups

DC 3 Individual or group DW book study meetings to:

Help fill wisdom deficits to make better decisions
Take full advantage of a reflective time in life
Be able to predict a better future for others or yourself
Simplify a continuing history of chaos from neglect
See the premises of ‘experts’, and when they are false
See when abstinence programs are not a primary focus

What’s different about
Doing Without?

1. The Last Taboo:
"that was then, this is now "

There’s a hidden ‘desert’ in the field of mental health which offers little support for life or growth...

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2. Past losses re-emerge
with present losses

It's true that some don't bounce back from losses as quick as others do, and, if we have a history with an inability to predict or prevent losses, our feeling of safety today is affected…

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3. Discernment, and my bias in writing "Doing Without"

The bias that I bring to the field of psychology, comes from a background of working in Automated Control Systems, which is concerned with ‘inputs’ and ‘outputs’…

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4. Why combining child abuse with neglect doesn't help

The almost exclusive reference to Neglect using this “combination model” of child trauma, yields results that are almost exclusively about abuse, and have little or nothing specific to Neglect…

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5. The Ten Statements
of Doing Without

1. To address persistent grief, there is a need to model the field of psychology as one complete system...

6. Discernment in approaching grief and loss

Confusion depicts our childhood losses in a childish way. If it was normal not to be given guidance while growing up, you may be stuck seeing your childhood only in a very childish way...

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7. Confronting: a mind that knows, a heart that receives

The Doing Without series seeks to provide resources to help others renew a mind affected by early grief and loss…

8. 'Four Ds of neglect': Deny
Diminish, Dismiss, & Disown

Doing Without is a complicated issue affecting generations, and to reverse its’ effects, we must consider painful possibilities. ...

9. Hope is 'triggering'
in a discovery process

Strong emotions can be triggered by discovering a missing truth from the past, or, by getting information challenging long held assumptions of that past…

10. The plan to limit 'triggering' (PRA checklist)

The PRA checklist for Phase Reading Assignments Below are ways to choose (or be assigned) to read DW in small steps to control or limit strong emotional reactions:

11. The mission
of Doing Without

The Doing Without series offers sequential lessons to model the beliefs of a child who created a false worldview to help them survive their specific situation; a worldview that today can keep them powerless when confronted with grief and loss.

12. For those with a history
of substance abuse

What was happening before you started ‘using’?

How a hidden history shapes your "now"

Processing current and past losses with an incomplete approach, can yield partial results in limiting recurrent grief. A 'complete approach', must include all basic categories of "inputs" that affected a child's life.

The Doing Without series was created with the idea that, the ‘cause and effect’ modeling skills from the field of automated control systems, when paired with counseling or peer sharing on specific lessons, can provide better models of truth for the past and the future.

The Doing Without series offers sequential lessons to uncover the beliefs of a child who had to create a false worldview, This false worldview not only helped them survive their specific situation of being a powerless child suffering losses alone; but a worldview that stays in the background today. This worldview tends to 'sabotage' their life, to keep them powerless when confronted with grief and loss.

This worldview is virtually never discussed (or even considered) by sufferers, until current losses 'force the issue'.
(See "The Last Taboo", and “The Ten Statements of Doing Without”.)

About the Author

Douglas O’Brien, after completing two 4-year journeyman programs in electrical and industrial instrumentation, received a degree in Industrial Process Controls, and a Masters degree in special education. He has worked on 5 islands in Alaska, with a total of 17 years above the Arctic circle in remote areas. He is the author of the Doing Without series, and is the creator of the TRAIN process.

Douglas O'Brien Audio